when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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