there was a trapeze. enough said
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
