Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
