Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
