I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
