make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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