some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
