I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
