if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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