Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
