I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
