I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
