I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
