lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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