Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
