whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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