Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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