Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
