So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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