i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
