I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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