i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
