the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
