ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
