I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
