We won't sleep together?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
