two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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