yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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