Someone shit on the floor
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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