im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
