Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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