I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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