I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
