I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
