every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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