I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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