she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
