The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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