He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
