Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
