You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
