I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
