i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
