I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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