I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
