I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm always down for nudity.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
