we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.