Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel