i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?