Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.