I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!