Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
