Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
