maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
