I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
