I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
