he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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