what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
