you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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