I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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