My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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