i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
