well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Quick, to the slutcave!
This house was built for laser tag.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
