so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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