we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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