I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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