He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
