Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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