I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
