I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
