I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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