you have to choose: penises or morals?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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