i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
