I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
