I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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