Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
