ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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