i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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