smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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