I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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